I must give you all a fair warning...this blog definitely won't be as light hearted and funny as the other two have been. But that's the point of this right? To show all angles of my life as a single mom.....and let's face it, blogging out thoughts is kind of theraputic (so they say).
Well, my baby boy lost his first tooth this weekend while we were at the pool. Thank goodness it didn't fall into the pool! Nope, we were in the pool...I was tossing him around....he came up out of the water, and his little tooth was pretty much sticking straight out at me. I had no clue the impact of water would do that! LOL! So off to the bathroom we went where a one squemish mom (that'd be me) geared herself up to just yank the tooth the rest the way out. My son didn't even know I had done it until I showed him his tooth...such a big boy.
You know it's funny, here my son is about to start Kindergarten in a couple weeks and I have yet to tear up about that. But he loses his first tooth and I couldn't help but stare at him and get a little misty eyed. Maybe it's the fact the "adult" tooth coming in makes me realize how fast time really does go. Before I know it, he'll be going to Junior High, then High School, getting his license, off to college, getting married (lord help me). He's always been a very independent child, which I love about him, but I want to freeze time....I don't want him to get any bigger. Geesh, he's already only 1ft and 3in. shorter than me...and he's only 5!! (Mind you I'm not THAT tall...but still).....so this experience was my new beginning for the week. My son is growing up, he's getting his adult teeth, starting school, and shaping himself to be an incredible young man in front of my eyes.
Also this week (just yesterday) an ending came to pass.....I've had a "friend" in my life the past couple years that has meant the world to me. He's someone I actually met when I was 14 yrs old. Our paths crossed again about 2 years ago. He was going through a life changing situation, and I was there to help him through it, emotionally and spiritually. Through that "friendship" developed a little more...it was great, wonderful, everything I always knew was out there. But as his situation grew more intense, he pulled away....it was hard, but I understood just due to the nature of what was going on. We stayed friends, and sometimes it still seemed more than....lots of ups and downs and me being confused waaaay too much. His words were consistent...I'm not ready for expectations from anyone right now...but sometimes his actions would contridict. I don't know about you...but I'm big on actions speaking louder than words. After speaking with him the other day, he informed me that he was going on a "date" with someone and would see how it goes. I felt like I jumped into a pool filled with ice cubes....my chest hurt and i couldn't breathe. How is it someone who isn't ready for "expectations" from someone is able to go on a date and "see how it goes?" Simple.....it wasn't they weren't ready for expectations, they didn't want YOU. So even though I knew, deep down inside this may happen...when it actually did...it hurt...plain and simple. This isn't the first time he's pushed me aside for someone else....See, when I met him at 14yrs old...I also dated him for 2 yrs during that time. After 2 yrs of dating, he broke up with me for another girl....whom he ended up marrying. I can't help but ask myself, how can ONE person enter your life twice....and still dump you twice for someone else? What's the old saying...Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me? I guess reality is, he just never had the same feelings for me that I always did him (now and years ago.) It does confuse me how a man can say certain things to a girl and then flip around like someone hit the light switch...and never provide a real explaination...at least not one that makes logical sense or eases your heart. Nope, all you get is "Don't be hurt at me, I don't want to hurt anyone." My suggestion back is this.....THINK before you tell a woman she is the one God has for you, how you can't live without her, how you have plans for your future with her. I don't know how you men work...but a gal takes those things very seriously...we don't say them to just be in the moment. Why? Because we realize the outcome of saying such things and not fully meaning them would be lying, deceiving, and hurt a person beyond all measures.
The crazy thing, I wish the man happiness....I hope he finds someone, even if it isn't me. What can I say, I love him. I'm not one who deals well with being hurt or feeling rejected. This blog is probably the most emotion I've shown of this recent development to friends or family. I prefer to not talk about it so I can just get over it and move on. I'll deal with the pain, I'll let the wound heal, and hang on to my faith that God has someone perfect out there just for me. Fact is, I don't want someone that isn't God choosen for my life.
So new beginnings are taking place where my son is concerned......and an old path with an old love comes to an end. I'll be sure to change my shoes before treading on a new path...I think these are extremely worn out.
Take Care!
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