I must give you all a fair warning...this blog definitely won't be as light hearted and funny as the other two have been. But that's the point of this right? To show all angles of my life as a single mom.....and let's face it, blogging out thoughts is kind of theraputic (so they say).
Well, my baby boy lost his first tooth this weekend while we were at the pool. Thank goodness it didn't fall into the pool! Nope, we were in the pool...I was tossing him around....he came up out of the water, and his little tooth was pretty much sticking straight out at me. I had no clue the impact of water would do that! LOL! So off to the bathroom we went where a one squemish mom (that'd be me) geared herself up to just yank the tooth the rest the way out. My son didn't even know I had done it until I showed him his tooth...such a big boy.
You know it's funny, here my son is about to start Kindergarten in a couple weeks and I have yet to tear up about that. But he loses his first tooth and I couldn't help but stare at him and get a little misty eyed. Maybe it's the fact the "adult" tooth coming in makes me realize how fast time really does go. Before I know it, he'll be going to Junior High, then High School, getting his license, off to college, getting married (lord help me). He's always been a very independent child, which I love about him, but I want to freeze time....I don't want him to get any bigger. Geesh, he's already only 1ft and 3in. shorter than me...and he's only 5!! (Mind you I'm not THAT tall...but still).....so this experience was my new beginning for the week. My son is growing up, he's getting his adult teeth, starting school, and shaping himself to be an incredible young man in front of my eyes.
Also this week (just yesterday) an ending came to pass.....I've had a "friend" in my life the past couple years that has meant the world to me. He's someone I actually met when I was 14 yrs old. Our paths crossed again about 2 years ago. He was going through a life changing situation, and I was there to help him through it, emotionally and spiritually. Through that "friendship" developed a little more...it was great, wonderful, everything I always knew was out there. But as his situation grew more intense, he pulled away....it was hard, but I understood just due to the nature of what was going on. We stayed friends, and sometimes it still seemed more than....lots of ups and downs and me being confused waaaay too much. His words were consistent...I'm not ready for expectations from anyone right now...but sometimes his actions would contridict. I don't know about you...but I'm big on actions speaking louder than words. After speaking with him the other day, he informed me that he was going on a "date" with someone and would see how it goes. I felt like I jumped into a pool filled with ice cubes....my chest hurt and i couldn't breathe. How is it someone who isn't ready for "expectations" from someone is able to go on a date and "see how it goes?" Simple.....it wasn't they weren't ready for expectations, they didn't want YOU. So even though I knew, deep down inside this may happen...when it actually did...it hurt...plain and simple. This isn't the first time he's pushed me aside for someone else....See, when I met him at 14yrs old...I also dated him for 2 yrs during that time. After 2 yrs of dating, he broke up with me for another girl....whom he ended up marrying. I can't help but ask myself, how can ONE person enter your life twice....and still dump you twice for someone else? What's the old saying...Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me? I guess reality is, he just never had the same feelings for me that I always did him (now and years ago.) It does confuse me how a man can say certain things to a girl and then flip around like someone hit the light switch...and never provide a real explaination...at least not one that makes logical sense or eases your heart. Nope, all you get is "Don't be hurt at me, I don't want to hurt anyone." My suggestion back is this.....THINK before you tell a woman she is the one God has for you, how you can't live without her, how you have plans for your future with her. I don't know how you men work...but a gal takes those things very seriously...we don't say them to just be in the moment. Why? Because we realize the outcome of saying such things and not fully meaning them would be lying, deceiving, and hurt a person beyond all measures.
The crazy thing, I wish the man happiness....I hope he finds someone, even if it isn't me. What can I say, I love him. I'm not one who deals well with being hurt or feeling rejected. This blog is probably the most emotion I've shown of this recent development to friends or family. I prefer to not talk about it so I can just get over it and move on. I'll deal with the pain, I'll let the wound heal, and hang on to my faith that God has someone perfect out there just for me. Fact is, I don't want someone that isn't God choosen for my life.
So new beginnings are taking place where my son is concerned......and an old path with an old love comes to an end. I'll be sure to change my shoes before treading on a new path...I think these are extremely worn out.
Take Care!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Dating....and Single Motherhood
We all know dating is hard enough, but add being a single parent into the equation and you'll feel like you're back in school staring at the worse possible Trigonometry formula on the black board.
Finding time for yourself is hard enough, finding time to meet someone, let alone date is almost next to impossible. What seems hard to me, is not the fact that I'm single and currently not in a relationship, it's how people seem to view you for being in your 30's, single and never having married. Goodness, when your own brother calls you a spinster, and you're own Father makes the statement you'll never get married, you're bound to feel a little down on yourself.
So you begin to analyze yourself a little more, which isn't always a bad thing. I realized my habit was may be being a little too critical, too analytical, and may be even a tad too picky. I mean, when I decide to dismiss a guy because his shoes don't match his outfit, I think it's time I bend a little
With that in mind, I took the big leap....I agreed to meet a guy, a friend of mine knew. LOL. Her knowing how picky I am about guys, she decided to tell me all the downfalls of him she knew first (she's a smart girl.). Then we decided it would be best if I check him out myself first instead of the "blind date" saga. So the plan was set in motion....they all bowl on a league together, I was to pick up her daughter from soccer practice and meet them at the bowling alley. Sounds innocent enough right? Riiiiight!!
I walk in, spot her....give her the look of "which one is he?", she does the sly spy nod his direction, I turn, I look.....ummm...not my type BUT I'm trying to bend a little right?? You can't dismiss someone right away without at least giving them the shot of talking with them. Personality can always trump looks in my book....a guy can be good looking, but you don't want a bore to hang with. While my friend is bowling, I decide to take another quick glimpse at the prospect. In doing so...I see his finger hit his nose, ok...it went IN his nose. I quickly turn my head because I figure he's embarassing himself bad enough, he didn't need to see someone catching him do this. But it's like a bad train wreck, you just can't turn away very long...so just as quick as I turned my head, I turned back his direction. To my utter dismay, his finger went from his nose into his mouth!! OH......MY.....GOSH.....I should have ran then, I should have went with my instinct, grabbed my purse and ran!!! I quickly told my friend what I saw and she was in just as much shock as I was. Oh yes, of course we were laughing....it's still an inside joke between us. My 5 year old doesn't even do that for goodness sake.
Let's just say for some idiotic reason, I decided to stay and still talk with this guy. Why oh why?? The conversation took a turn for the worst as he began to make extremely crude comments about himself, body parts, and my Uncle's business (whom this guy knew). Need the less to say, my friend and her husband were just as shocked as I was. The comment was made he's never acted like that, they were very disappointed and more than apologetic....they're very lucky I love them as much as I do. LOL. I left that crazy scene, got in my car....replayed it all...and couldn't stop laughing!!!! I thought this was stuff you hear about in movies or T.V. shows, I didn't think this was possible in real life. Unbelieveable!!
So note to self....go back to being picky, go back to trusting my inner compass, God gave me that for a reason. If all else fails, at least I can keep myself from having to endure another scenerio like that. Yep, this one goes in the books....or the blog in this case!!
Finding time for yourself is hard enough, finding time to meet someone, let alone date is almost next to impossible. What seems hard to me, is not the fact that I'm single and currently not in a relationship, it's how people seem to view you for being in your 30's, single and never having married. Goodness, when your own brother calls you a spinster, and you're own Father makes the statement you'll never get married, you're bound to feel a little down on yourself.
So you begin to analyze yourself a little more, which isn't always a bad thing. I realized my habit was may be being a little too critical, too analytical, and may be even a tad too picky. I mean, when I decide to dismiss a guy because his shoes don't match his outfit, I think it's time I bend a little
With that in mind, I took the big leap....I agreed to meet a guy, a friend of mine knew. LOL. Her knowing how picky I am about guys, she decided to tell me all the downfalls of him she knew first (she's a smart girl.). Then we decided it would be best if I check him out myself first instead of the "blind date" saga. So the plan was set in motion....they all bowl on a league together, I was to pick up her daughter from soccer practice and meet them at the bowling alley. Sounds innocent enough right? Riiiiight!!
I walk in, spot her....give her the look of "which one is he?", she does the sly spy nod his direction, I turn, I look.....ummm...not my type BUT I'm trying to bend a little right?? You can't dismiss someone right away without at least giving them the shot of talking with them. Personality can always trump looks in my book....a guy can be good looking, but you don't want a bore to hang with. While my friend is bowling, I decide to take another quick glimpse at the prospect. In doing so...I see his finger hit his nose, ok...it went IN his nose. I quickly turn my head because I figure he's embarassing himself bad enough, he didn't need to see someone catching him do this. But it's like a bad train wreck, you just can't turn away very long...so just as quick as I turned my head, I turned back his direction. To my utter dismay, his finger went from his nose into his mouth!! OH......MY.....GOSH.....I should have ran then, I should have went with my instinct, grabbed my purse and ran!!! I quickly told my friend what I saw and she was in just as much shock as I was. Oh yes, of course we were laughing....it's still an inside joke between us. My 5 year old doesn't even do that for goodness sake.
Let's just say for some idiotic reason, I decided to stay and still talk with this guy. Why oh why?? The conversation took a turn for the worst as he began to make extremely crude comments about himself, body parts, and my Uncle's business (whom this guy knew). Need the less to say, my friend and her husband were just as shocked as I was. The comment was made he's never acted like that, they were very disappointed and more than apologetic....they're very lucky I love them as much as I do. LOL. I left that crazy scene, got in my car....replayed it all...and couldn't stop laughing!!!! I thought this was stuff you hear about in movies or T.V. shows, I didn't think this was possible in real life. Unbelieveable!!
So note to self....go back to being picky, go back to trusting my inner compass, God gave me that for a reason. If all else fails, at least I can keep myself from having to endure another scenerio like that. Yep, this one goes in the books....or the blog in this case!!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Grandparents....who are these people
Joshua was the first grandchild for both my Mom and my Dad (my parents aren't together).
I remember when I was younger hearing Bill Cosby's stand up and talking about his parents once they've become grandparents. He contrasts his Father's open handed generosity vs. how tight fisted he was during Bill's childhood. Then he says of his children's Grandma "That is not the same woman I grew up with." MY LORD ABOVE it's true!!! Who are these people and what did they do with my parents??? Seriously!
I remember when I was pregnant my Mom's closest friend telling her "Oh, there is nothing like being a grandparent. It's the greatest joy in the world...there is nothing like it." Of course, it's the greatest thing in the world because they get to give the kid back!! I heard a joke once, that Grandkids are God's reward for not killing your own kids. LOL.
I watch my parents with Joshua, and I think to myself they should be wearing a t-shirt that says "World's Greatest Grandma/Grandpa." These people are a FAR CRY from the parents I had growing up. What is it that changes them once they become Grandparents? For my Dad....I think it's the entertainment of watching his grandkids put his kids through the same things we put him through. I think this mainly applies to my brother, because Lord knows myself and my younger sister NEVER put our Dad through anything (hahahahahaha). But my Mom....This woman....I'm telling you now. She was tough growing up, I knew No meant No, I knew to not double cross her, and I knew she meant business. This same woman is now MUSH when it comes to a certain 5 year old blinking his blue eyes her way. Don't kid yourself...that blue eyed boy knows it too!!
I may not understand why my parents are so different as grandparents than they were as parents....but I do understand is that I have one extremely lucky boy who has a Grandma, Paw-Paw and Mom-maw who love him with all they have. With that reason only...I can accept the change. (hahahaha)
I remember when I was younger hearing Bill Cosby's stand up and talking about his parents once they've become grandparents. He contrasts his Father's open handed generosity vs. how tight fisted he was during Bill's childhood. Then he says of his children's Grandma "That is not the same woman I grew up with." MY LORD ABOVE it's true!!! Who are these people and what did they do with my parents??? Seriously!
I remember when I was pregnant my Mom's closest friend telling her "Oh, there is nothing like being a grandparent. It's the greatest joy in the world...there is nothing like it." Of course, it's the greatest thing in the world because they get to give the kid back!! I heard a joke once, that Grandkids are God's reward for not killing your own kids. LOL.
I watch my parents with Joshua, and I think to myself they should be wearing a t-shirt that says "World's Greatest Grandma/Grandpa." These people are a FAR CRY from the parents I had growing up. What is it that changes them once they become Grandparents? For my Dad....I think it's the entertainment of watching his grandkids put his kids through the same things we put him through. I think this mainly applies to my brother, because Lord knows myself and my younger sister NEVER put our Dad through anything (hahahahahaha). But my Mom....This woman....I'm telling you now. She was tough growing up, I knew No meant No, I knew to not double cross her, and I knew she meant business. This same woman is now MUSH when it comes to a certain 5 year old blinking his blue eyes her way. Don't kid yourself...that blue eyed boy knows it too!!
I may not understand why my parents are so different as grandparents than they were as parents....but I do understand is that I have one extremely lucky boy who has a Grandma, Paw-Paw and Mom-maw who love him with all they have. With that reason only...I can accept the change. (hahahaha)
My intro
Welcome to my new blog site! I figure that, as a single mom, I have so many stories, so many ups and downs, and I journal about them anyway....why not share them with the world?? Ok, well not REALLY the world, but whomever stumbles upon it. :-)
A quick background...I'm a single mom (duh) of a wonderful 5 year old son named Joshua Nicolas. He will be 6 this October and starting Kindergarten this fall. He is a sport fanatic already and has been since he was born...so it seems. He's an active little fella and definitely keeps me busy, which provides me with PLENTY of stories...just ask my family, friends, and co-workers.
Enjoy!!
A quick background...I'm a single mom (duh) of a wonderful 5 year old son named Joshua Nicolas. He will be 6 this October and starting Kindergarten this fall. He is a sport fanatic already and has been since he was born...so it seems. He's an active little fella and definitely keeps me busy, which provides me with PLENTY of stories...just ask my family, friends, and co-workers.
Enjoy!!
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