It's no secret, I loves me some coffee!! I'd say my addiction started somewhere my senior year of high school, if not then definitely college. Who knew that ingesting copious amounts of coffee while cramming for exams and pulling all night study sessions would be preparing me for that wonderful thing called Motherhood? Little did I know that those days would eventually look like a trip to the Hershey Chocolate Park compared to what was to come later in life.
There are many many stories regarding me and my...ummm...state of mind (or lack there of) when I don't have my coffee. Seriously, if I could just tap an IV of the stuff each morning believe me, I would!! (you think I'm kidding) For whatever reason (chalk it up to too much coffee), I thought I'd share a few of my embarrassing moments where my close freind coffee was concerned.
Surely there has to be a few more Mom's out there like me (I know my sister 'n law is almost there!)
Tennesse + NASCAR fans + No coffee = OMG TAKE COVER - I'm sure the title alone would make anyone feel that way but for this admitted coffeeaholic, it literally sent signals to my brain that said "note to self - blow tennessee off the map but leave Starbucks standing." Quick version - loooong trip to see a NASCAR race with my sister, nooooo sleep, early wake up time to get to the track, and people driving like they already had their coffee and...oh yeah, I haven't had mine. Absolute required stop to Starbucks is in need, if we could ever freakin' get there. By this time, my knuckles are white from gripping the steering whell, my face is red, and I believe my sister is holding her breath in fear of having her head bit off. Ahhhhh - finally, Starbucks parking lot. OOOOH LOOK - a close parking spot, someone is pulling out. Wait. Why is this idiot sitting half pulled out and half pulled in of the parking spot? (counting to 10 in my head....now laying my hand on the car horn...now pressing on the car horn, not letting up...Sister is now sticking her head out the window yelling at the car to "Please for the love of God pull out, the woman needs her coffee."...Yaaay, that works) Sigh - ahhhh, sweet sweet Starbucks. Tennessee thanks you for saving it.
Broken coffee pot after night of caring for a sick child (oh yeah, my sister trying to talk to me) - We've all been there. Nothing worse than being up all night with you child who has the pukies (my kid is a award winning puker btw.) Nothing worse than seeing your child sick and knowing there isn't much you can do when they're like this. Well, maybe a broken coffee pot after an all-nighter (told you it'd come back up) puking session comes in a close 2nd. As my child begins to get some rest, the sun is coming up and shining straight through my bedroom window ignoring the blinds that are intended to keep it out. What could make ME feel better (besides sleep?)...a nice hot fresh cup of coffee...stumble to kitchen, prepare coffee pot, open coffee can...take a big wiff, a little jump start action ya know?....stand at kitchen counter waiting for coffee to brew....brews two cups and stops...hmmm....turn off and turn back on....in walks my sister...Sister begins chatting about her night at work (she worked 2nd shift)....Sister still talking, coffee not brewing....Grab WHOLE coffee making machine with both hands and begin to shake viciously....Sister has now walked out of the kitchen to her room and shut the door...get myself dressed....check on child (still sleeping)....Open my sister's bedroom door, inform her I'm going to Walmart to buy a new coffee pot...Sister encourages trip with a little too much enthusiasm...go to store, buy new coffee pot, repeat first few steps at home...drink fresh coffee...Ahhhhhh, NOW (to my sister) what were you saying?
Craving for a Caramel Iced Coffee NOT a stinkin' Frappe - Saturday summer morning, heading to Step-Mom's work for some long over due scrapbooking. Sister and nephew are going to pick myself and my son up. I'm having a craving for a caramel iced coffee from McDonald's. Now it's all I can think about...mmmm. Convince sister to drive me through McD's to cure craving. Having experienced my coffee fits in the past she more than graciously agrees. Go through drive-thru...tell sister what I want....she starts it and says "Wait, what?"...repeat to sister, in a more serious tone, what I want....CARAMEL. ICED. COFFEE!...Sister repeats order, so does the person inside the box...pull up to window....person in window hands a FRAPPE'...Sister tells person in window we didn't order a Frappe' we ordered an Iced coffee...person still standing in window holding stupid Frappe'....beginning to get irritated (or need a fix of coffee, you pick one.)...can't take it anymore...lean over sister and say to Dude in window "WHY are you still standing there?"...Dude in window now looks a little scared...Sister is pleading with Dude in window with her eyes....waiting, waiting, cannot lose it, kids are in the car, must.be.strong...Dude comes back with Caramel Iced Coffee...Take BIG drink....wave hands in excitement...it's a beautiful Saturday morning once again.
A not so morning person son and a "I haven't had my coffee yet" Mommy - Not much to tell on this one. My son is NOT a morning person at all. It's an avid argumentative routine getting him up every morning. Seriously, if I want him up a certain time I have to start waking him up 30 min. earlier. Suggestions are welcome on how to change this. So typical morning...trying to wake up my child...woke up late myself, so haven't had time to input any coffee into my blood stream yet....Son is still not awake and now has blanket pulled over his head. Though I wish I could do the same thing, I can't and neither can he...another attempt to wake him up. (waiting waiting waiting, no response.)....Crawl on to my son's bed, get up next to his ear and whisper "IF you do not get up out of this bed, I will be forced to replace your covers with a buck full of ice water."....Son does not flinch, instead, opens one eye and says, ever so sweetly. "Mom, talk to me after you've had your coffee."....Smart kid, why didn't I think of that!
I did not protect the people in these stories because let's face it, the bad stuff was all about me! You'll all be happy to know that my sister has survived all these instances but has recently stated she is sick of being stuck either in a car or in a room with me during my coffee withdraws. I still love her!!
Oh Coffee, what would I do without you're amazing ability to keep me in complete functioning mode? I know my son thanks you with his whole 6 year old being.
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